Today…I had this queer…beautiful, a splendid evening…which surpassed all my expectations I had from this city…I was lookin for tht small soul touchin place..whr I have a my loud awkward snorty laugh without being stared to ignominy and as I boarded on this unending quest to unearth this place I bumped into this place…yea I’m nt gonna mention this place..i wanna keep it to myself and my special frens(yea..dnt smirk! )..i’m selfish( excuse me for my blunt confession) though I have been living in this city for almost 6 months now…I still hadn’t found my solace..the plce whr I cn just be myself…then I found this plce….here it was it with its almost no frills …no flaunts…plain cute l’il lamps ..a ethereal almost gooeeily romantic…..yea!..also had the GOOEY here!....ummmm!...
The “partner in crime for tonite” was equally interesting..and provided a lot of thot for matter in my almost vacant mind….for soo long I had been thinking a lot bout the times gone by…bout the people I’ve lost…so much so that that It almost made me choke with discomfort…distracted me …precipitating out those ugly feeling on to surface until they brought out the devil inside me.. I thot incessantly bout the love tht almost came into my life..things done in love..for love ….i thot bout the people I love so dearly… those for whom I was soo possessive bout tht I almost smothered them underneath my tight grip!....literally….hehe…
But yeah.. today I’ve discovered a very interesting thing bout all the people who have come and gone out of my life…and those who have stuck…nd who will do so till the end….it is their small things tht they teach us tht leave behind, their deep almost indelible marks on our soul…( hummin tht UB40 track under my breath makes so much sense-evry hour evry day learning more….the more I look around I learn more…hmmm)….it almost a kaleidoscopic vision as I imagine it..held against the light comin from sun…tht beautiful inter-weaved intricate pattern …rainbow colors tht they leave behind..the warm gushing flood of memorabilia stickin out their perky inane heads as I flick thru those pages of my messy grey cells..when i look back and smile sometimes or frown the other times…. over some crude random memory..but mostly its the gooeey mushy good times that get me filled up….. this brilliant kaleidoscope unfolds everytime in a unique way..leavin me awestruck…every-time it turns round and round….my imagination also runs round and round weaving its intricate random patterns around the memories gone by.
Moi fren called these special people and this is the part I love( thanks a million times Tunna …”they become a part of our DNA”…hmmm…Yea!..they do…nd they become so inseparable tht everything then we do eventually just reminds of them in a understated…subtle way…tht just leaves tht faint yet strange innocuous smile on our faces…..the small things they teach us…..i’m almost a completely different person as I write ths today….wat I was back then..back wen I never knew these awesome people…
The love they brought into my life…the weird things they did…the wierd lil things i do now…coz somebody else did them so often tht it got embedded in my “DNA”…hahaha..it almost makes me smile..it brings a tear down my face the other moment….nt deliberately though….it just comes soo effortlessly tht it almost surprises me infact….nd as I wipe it off..it just leaves me drenched in its wet damp aura…as if its just happening even as I breathe….the time is caught in the warp….as I replay it again in slow motion….it plays out tht beautiful symphony of my soul…just hittin the rite notes everytime…
These moments are large….come awashing me almost everyday…playin those childhood songs like MLTR…”someday”…..”i’ll survive”…again and again as if the old vinyl record stuck on its pin….as if they deliberately try to sync the background of those ohh soo effervescent feelings…and on my deep inside I’m overwhelmed …so agog with a galore of emotions tht I start feeling dizzy..till tonite I used to feel tht those feelings were haunting me …bringing back those memories unnecesarrily…almost leaving me feeling empty somewhere inside and tht void is always so hard to fill…until tonite…when we talked….rather when I just listened…its rather surreal how simply listening to someone else’s stories u can just weave the web around your life…just find your answers like they were just lying around until now…wen u decided to find them deliberately….almost with a childlike curiosity…however…u just bump into these facts …they just hit ur face…nd u cnt save urself as they smear u again with their overbearing perpetual existence….just very naively tellin you tht u can never run away from them…
Now I dnt even wanna run away..i somehow…wil smile wholeheartedly wen I rem bout those beautiful exquisite moments….unlike wen I used to refrain myself from the sweet pleasures…smothering them under my dumb smog of self professed guilt trip…I will always reminisce those past days coz…they are embedded in my “DNA” ..i can’t erase them……my DNA just keeps evolving everyday….
….”the time of my life….i have never felt this way before”..as I quote a few lines out of this beautiful song….i realize one thing fer sure….the messages of life are cryptic….as memories go into the realms of time and stand tall like an old palace ruin staring into the everchanging world besides it..the palace -it is stuck there still…frozen …almost helpless…as the millennia pass away…however the ruin still stands tall in its past glory,….wen it relives all those legendary times gone by….it knows it cannot live by it forever…yes and it looks at the generations as they pass thru those same hallways...it wakes up to the reality…and starts livin in the present…. Yess…I live in my present with my beautiful esoteric past “embedded in my DNA” (m just lovin this phrase!!.....thnks TUNNA !- ofcourse the copyrights reserved with ya…u get the royalty for this once I get paid for this :D….)
And I move on nt stuck in my past…but everything trenched deeply in my soul …to look at the clichéd light at the end of this not so dark tunnel….(figuratively its not dark, or dingy…m just a spoilt person lookin for adventures in my life everyday…yea m greedy for life nd m lovin it…!...so wat else we got on the menu! …haha..muaaAH…cheers!!! )……………………..
BTW…..hmmm just waiting to go back to ths place again…the starry lamps and the low slung fan creaking its way to glory with the humid sweat cuddling my skin as I dig deeper into my plate……and run into someone else other than Lola Kutty..yeah my fren had a field day …..the WORKS!!!....yea..the works!
“Sure ain’t the first time..hope ain’t the last time..we see what we’ve become ..two of the lucky ones”
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